Martha Beck’s premise of the essential and the social self.
When someone asks: “Who do you think you are?” (usually with a passive-aggressive undertone that implies the addressed ought not to think of themselves very highly), they probably aren’t interested in getting an honest answer.
But what if they were?
Who DO you think you are?
Would you tell them?
Or would you share with them the version of yourself you want others to see?
And then there’s the real question: Who are you? Are you who you think you are?
I had spent so much time and energy obsessing about somebody else that I had lost sight of who…
About learning to see what you are looking for.
Whether on the road or on the river, I am usually the first to notice any wildlife. We have actually turned the car around because other passengers did not believe that there was a moose (which is totally worth turning around for). There are two reasons why I am good at wildlife spotting: I am constantly scanning for it, consciously or not, and I am good at pattern recognition (colors, shapes, movement).
The one reason for those two things being true: my father, who died a year ago this coming week. While there were various flaws in his fathering, he…
At least to me. Let’s move away from how society measures success.
I posted the image above on social media recently with a text that talked about the investments I made to have the kind of life that allows me to go skiing on a Thursday afternoon. I wasn’t giving stock market or real estate advice. I mused about the courage and money I invested in my well-being when I decided to work part-time in my early thirties — 20% of my salary for one day off. You can read the Instagram version here.
The post got more reactions than usual. Some from people who made similar choices, some from people who…
A haiku reflection on following what you know, deep inside.
boldly unimpressed
by opinions, fears, and doubts
geese trust the Knowing.
While I was always careful and never considered myself particularly courageous I have made some bold decisions. Well, they seemed bold from the outside. I was simply following my instinct, though, or what Glennon Doyle calls ”The Knowing”, and I didn’t worry about them too much.
Two years ago, my coach at the time had me look at stand-out moments in all different phases of my life and I realized that there was a phase in my life when bold and courageous was simply over. For a few years…
Let’s all connect to our inner child who has not been told that whatever she makes is either bad or good.
“Connect to your innocence,” she said. “Connect to the time before you felt judged by other people or yourself. What does that feel like?” Strange is what it felt like. Vulnerable, rare, and raw. And sad. I cried a little last Sunday when, instead of skiing (which I wanted to do), I supported a friend by showing up for one of her meditation classes (which, clearly, I needed to be doing).
Praise, too, is a signal that what you are making is subject to evaluation.
The other day I came across a binder with a collection of my childhood art…
A reflection on who’s responsible for my joy.
the creek’s happiness
relies on nothing but her
own source of water
“If our happiness depends on other people, we are screwed,” I picked up this golden nugget from a friend today.
We cannot wait for others to change.
Hell, we cannot even wait for ourselves to change. Our lives are too precious to be like: once he stops drinking so much/working so much/snoring so much. Or: once I have that job/that house/that friend.
I know it might sound revolutionary. Absurd maybe. Even wrong, depending on your circumstances. …
And other lessons forced on me by a pain flare-up and the Pacing and Graded Exposure system.
Twenty minutes. That’s how long I get to walk every day. Ten minutes in one direction. Ten minutes back. Hardly worth getting dressed for, in my opinion. Twenty-minute walks? That’s what my mom does, and she is 90. In fact, she didn’t quite understand my complaining tone when I tried to enter my frustration as a conversational topic. “Well, that’s just what it is,” she said. She is turning all zen on us in old age.
Winter has finally arrived in Montana, and I got to ski only once before my pain flared up. No skiing, no dancing, no walking…
Singing love songs to yourself is therapeutic. Here are some of my favorites.
Where you lead
I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, if you need me to be with you
I will follow
Where you lead
Carole King — Where You Lead
I was ready to do that for someone: jump on the next train when they called out my name just because they were “lonely and so cold.” And for sure, I wanted someone to do that for me: move to New York City no matter what kind of home they had always dreamed of.
Since then, I have learned a lot about co-dependence and am…
Sylke Laine
Self-Disruption Coach, Writer, UX Designer. “How to Start Wasting Time and Become Less Productive” → https://letters.mrslaine.com/start-wasting-time
