Another Case for Un-Goaling Your Life
If you haven’t met the goals you set in January, it may be time to celebrate.
There are a few things that happen each year around this time:
- July arrives.
- The days are getting shorter again.
- People seem surprised that July is here and that the days are getting shorter again.
- Motivational coaches on the internet are pestering people about the half-year mark, missed goals, passed opportunities, and failed efforts to create new habits.
Mind you, ‘motivational coaches’ is what they call themselves, and I am sure their methods motivate many people. I am not one of them. But that’s not what the following little rant will be about. (I have written about my resistance to goal setting; you can read that piece here.)
Many coaches would probably also refrain from ranting in their newsletters and tell you that anger is an unhealthy emotion. I am not that kind of coach, either, so here we go…
[rant mode: on]
I probably should have known better than opening the email with the subject line “The Mid-Year Reset.” I probably should have stopped reading when the first paragraph contained all the buzzwords: time management, harnessing opportunities, daily exercise.
I MOST DEFINITELY should have clicked the link labeled ‘compassionate review’ rather than the one I did click, labeled ‘mindset management.’ But you know, sometimes my brain wants a little drama, and then it makes me bite into a lemon or click on things.
And the brain drama climaxed when I arrived at the paragraph where the author suggested goal ideas for the next six months. The first item on the physical health list was: ‘lose X pounds’ (followed by ‘fit into size X trousers’).
Why, in 2023, is this boring stuff still at the top of the list for physical health goals for all people? Why are we still insisting that smaller sizes are healthier by default? Why are women still spreading this patriarchal nonsense?
And then… under mental health goals, the author suggested ‘be less anxious in X situations’ as if constantly criticizing ourselves for having the ‘wrong’ body shape and wearing too large of a size wasn’t a source of that anxiety (and as if we could just flip an anxiety on/off-switch).
She also suggests a ‘personal self-care toolkit’ (which I hope contains a few cookies) and a ‘relaxing, meditative practice/routine’ (which I totally second and which I hope includes sitting by a bonfire made of diet books, eating a s’more or two — I HIGHLY recommend this reel by Susan Hyatt for inspo).
[rant mode: off]
Listen, I stand by the one resolution I want you to make and keep: Stop hurting your own feelings.
And by the idea of not breaking the promises you make yourself.
And I certainly believe in checking in with yourself about all kinds of stuff:
- Did you have a word for the year? How did it guide you? Or do you want a new one?
- Are you making enough time and joy for yourself?
- Have you been a good best friend to yourself?
- Can you let go of some bullshit goals that only cause you shame and anxiety?
I’d love to know if you have a good half-year journaling prompt or tarot spread. Let me know in the comments.
This piece has been adapted from the latest edition of my newsletter. To not miss anything, you can subscribe here. I send letters every other Sunday and people keep telling me that they learn a ton and that reading them makes their week better.
